Round 2 rumbles on! Next up, the Video Game region. We have two upsetters playing on one side, and two powerhouses on the other. Can the upsets continue? Or will we ride toward a Halo Final Four appearance? Read who we think should move on below.
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(5) Sonic vs. (8) Yoshi
Austin: Let me preface this section with the fact that I thoroughly do not understand Yoshi in the slightest. Is he a dragon, dinosaur, lizard? Some made up creature? I don’t know. All I know is he got a long tongue (watch out, other non-specific lady creatures) and lays eggs. He does some butt slams (doesn’t seem important for basketball) and can jump a little higher and float a little longer (actually important for basketball).
Sonic, on the other hand, is very fast and likes to collect coin. Unfortunately, like many a pro athlete before him, he is also adept at losing that coin in large amounts. His moneymaking and holding habits do not affect his game here, but I just want to note that he needs to get a financial advisor if he really thinks he can last in this league and have a successful retirement after his playing days.
Despite my limited knowledge of the subjects, I think this will be a tight game. While Sonic can run (roll?) circles around Yoshi, Yoshi has the ability to disturb the ground beneath Sonic (with his butt slams) and snag loose balls with his lengthy (LENTHY) tongue. It comes down to how Sonic can play defense. While Sonic is manic and fast, sometimes being too fast can hurt. Yoshi seems like a player that can stop on a dime, thanks to his frequent butt droppin’. This’ll send Sonic flying past, and Yoshi can then use his notable hops to lay the ball in. You may say, “do we really think Yoshi is that accurate with layups?”. To which I say, “You see my mans laying eggs left and right?”. Yoshi shocks the world as the lowest seed in the bracket, and wins this one 11-9.
My winner: Yoshi
(2) Master Chief vs. (3) Donkey Kong
Andy: It all comes down to this: bananas vs. banshee’s, drums vs. DMR’s, gorilla vs. Spartan. In the game of 1v1 basketball, fundamentals are important, but it’s the physicality of the specimens playing the game that are going to decide the victor in the matchup.
Spartans: genetically superior to humans, technologically above a supercomputer, and mentally perfect beings, the simple game of basketball should be an easy feat for a supersoldier. That being said, a few things could hamper him here: perhaps his strength will actually disable him from dribbling effectively? Would a driving to the court draw a foul every time? Perhaps, but not with another massive beast on the other end of the lane.
One of the largest and most ferocious entries in our bracket, Donkey Kong’s chances here are nothing to scoff at. There might actually only be one match for his brute strength, and that’s Master Chief. Honestly who would you put money on in an arm wrestling match? Who wins down low when boxing out? Does DK get to use any of his external abilities? I’d say we’d probably ban things like: drum banging, throwing banana peels on the floor, and fully charged up punches. He’s probably not the most tactical choice here either, jab steps, jukes, and more are not something this primate is capable of.
The combination of Master Chief’s super strength, tactical ability, and lack of empathy net him the win here. It’s a close match, but unfortunately it’s back to the jungle for DK.
My winner: Master Chief